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Thursday, June 23, 2005
**And it's been awhile,But I can still remember just the way you taste...And everything I can't remember,As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me.**
alright well, fuck everything i said in that last entry...summer is probably gonna suck ass,...and this week has been a fuckin joke so far...not a very good week so far...yesterday i found out (while i was at work), that a certain someone now has a girlfriend, (not cool at all),my hair straightener is trying to kill me (its fucked up or something, and a huge spark came out of the cord), and this morning, my cell phone was stolen...no i did not misplace it, it was stolen...at school....yup, people sure are assholes...and of course, i really didnt expect it to be turned in, but i went to the office anyway to tell them in case someone were to bring it to them...and they said they would call me if someone turned it in...i wasnt really expecting them to call...people are so fucking dumb...well, at least i can get a new cell phone...i wanted a new one anyway...but i didnt want my phone to have to get stolen in order for me to get a new one...but whatever...see, thats why i dont trust people...no one can be trusted...at least i got to hang out w/ cate today...that cheered me up...i <3 cate,...shes the greatest...we had fun...i shouldnt even bother going to school tomorrow...its the "last day"/ no ones gonna be there anyway....whatever...
Posted at 07:38 pm by Fuctupkid3604
Saturday, June 18, 2005
**Sooner Or Later,Your Gonna Hate It, Go Ahead And Throw Your Life Away. Driving Me Under, Leaving Me Out There, Go Ahead And Throw Your Life Away...**
I really dont have anything to write about, i just thought it was time for a new entry...so yeah....monday is the first day of our finals...and friday is our last day of school....exciting,yes, i know...im sooo happy its almost summer...i hope summer doesnt suck tho...everyone works now, (obviously including myself) and it really sucks....summer would be so much better if no one had to work...and everyone just got money handed to them...how sweet would that be? but idk...i have a feeling it gonna be an interesting summer...from the way these past couple months have been, i just think that it might be crazy...a good crazy tho....this (school) year went by kinda fast...its really crazy...it seems like it was just october, when chad still went to my school, and we had all our stupid/funny jokes about ridiculous stuff...but things have changed sooo much since then...only 1 more year of high school...then what? i have no clue what the hell i wanna do with my life...any suggestions?? here are some pics from during the school year.....
September 8, 2004 (football game)
September 8, 2004 (football game)
October 29,2004 (at school; 2 days before Halloween)
October 29, 2004 (@ school; during lunch)
me...lol...i forgot when i took this pic tho...
February 26,2005 (Elysse's bday; @ her party)
May 24, 2005 (me...again,...lol)
June 11, 2005 (Elysse; stoned lol......over Elysse's house...at the party that didnt really happen lol)
June 11, 2005 (steph...stoned too lol)
This is something Pete from Fall Out Boy wrote.....:
Its not me, its you
The (after)life(r) of the party
Blow out the candles
And try to forget another year of favors (and how long its gonna take to repay them)
And sleeping in between cities
Im up to the hips with dreams
We’re green and gold racing towards 6 am
Who was me last night?
“slow down pretty boy”
but youre just not keeping up
and I never told you the way I love how you sleep in your make up
its not romance but itll have to do
would it be forward of me to say im the best youll (n)ever have
and dollface dreams are just something that get in the way of giving in
broken down not broken out
im only good for a couple of hours on your couch,
hand down the front of your pants or maybe for a story or two
im a stitch away from making it
and a scar away from falling apart
full moon pills got me out on the streets at night
watch me transform in the moonlight
I watch you work the room
Knowing that its their smiles and clinking drinks at cocktail hour
But its always me at this time of night
Hips pressed close to mine – true blue
The way they talk about you aint even close
Envelopes postmarked to nowhere
Vacant baby
Im checking out
failure never looked so pretty
Line em up, flashes across the room in red
Kiss me electric
Leave my best days in memories
And my bestlines closed tight in books
Keep the lights off so I cant see your tears
She said “we should move somewhere deep in the middle of july”
And I replied “dream me up something better than me and you”
Posted at 10:17 pm by Fuctupkid3604
Saturday, June 04, 2005
**Heartbreaks & Fights.And All The Pretty Kids.W/ The Tired Tired Eyes.Sitting Out Parties.To Be W/ Your Headphones.Reciting Your Last Words.And Writing Your Last Notes.**
these nights of hardly any sleep are killing me.....i was in the car last nite comming home from walmart (lol), around 8:45, Chad called me from Nicks phone, and he was like,"what are you doing?" and i was like,"im in the car." and he was like,"come over here..." so i guess he was hanging out w/ a few friends and they were drinking and doing other shit...so i called him back when i got home, and i told him i could come over. Chad and his friend randy (who drives) met up w/ me (i was dropped off at stephs house cuz i couldnt take the car), and i get in the car, and chad tells me we're going to north haven really quick..i wasnt too happy about that...but w/e...when we got back from north haven, randy and his gf left, and me, chad, nick and gary hung out...we went in the woods and drank...i was pissed..i only had 2 beers, cuz they fuckin drank practically the whole 30 pack before i got there....totally not cool...so nick and gary were just drunk, and chad was drunk and really fucked up from a bunch of other stupid shit that he did...but yeah, it was a very interesting time in the woods...nick and gary passed out for a little while lol....so me and chad just hung out...nick and gary walked to dunkin donuts ( we were in this part of the woods that is near dunkin donuts i guess)...after getting eaten alive by fuckin mosquitos, and after nick and gary threw up, we decided to walk to gary's house and we were just gonna spend the night in his 3 story tree fort thing(this was at like, 1:30 in the morning; we were walking the streets lol)...it was the funniest shit..on the way there, nick was riding the bike that gary had, and nick was still drunk, and he apparently didnt see this fence, and he totally crashed into it and fell over lol!!! he was okay....so we get to gary's house, and i see this tree for thing...it was crazy...nick and gary slept on the upper level, and me and chad slept on the 2nd level....nick and gary ended up just passing out after saying stuff to me and chad, such as,"theres no sexual activities allowed in the tree fort!" LOL!!!!! Chad was just like,"uh huh,...suuuure..." haha... so me and chad ended up staying up till 4:30 am!!!! crazy shittt....before we went to sleep tho, we heard someone outside, and i started freaking out cuz i couldnt imagine who the hell would be outside comming to a tree fort at that time of the nite,....but, it ended up being matt and zack...apparently nick called them earlier...so w/e,...they slept there too....they went to sleep before me and chad.....but yeah, it was cute, we shared a pillow and blanket lol!!!!! i felt like absolute shit this morning...first i woke up at 6:00, and i was like,"where the fuck am i?"
and then chad woke up too...then we went back to sleep, and i woke up again at like,8:00 or 8:30, and then i just stayed awake cuz i couldnt fall back to sleep...Chad woke up at like, 9:15, 9:30, and then we got up, went for a walk and smoked a cig, while everyone else was still sleeping lol....he couldnt remember shit from last nite lol...i told him all this stuff and he didnt even remember it...so then he walked me to steph's house at like, 10:00, and then he went to his mom's house...steph, your fuckin awesome i love you....thanks for helpin me out bitch...so yeah, im realllllly tired right now...it kinda sucks...but oh well.....interesting night,.,...
Posted at 07:34 pm by Fuctupkid3604
Sunday, May 15, 2005
**ToTheLove, I LeftMyConsciencePressed, BetweenThePagesOfTheBibleInTheDrawer,“WhatDidItEverDoForMe” I say.ItNeverCallsMeWhenI'mDown.LoveNeverWantedMe.ButI TookItAnyway...**
So i guess my weekend could have been better, but whatever....friday was pretty much a bullshit day at school, cuz it was "diversity day" and no one really went to class....later on on friday, i went to the mall, then i went to pick up my check at work, and then i went to go visit chad at work,...i got a drink and kinda just hung out there for a little while, and then i left for like 10 minutes and went to stop & shop and just walked around there for a little while, and then i went back to see chad....apparently he was supposed to work till 10:00, but he told me he was working till 9:00,..so i guess his manager or w/e thought i was supposed to drive him home from work, and thats why i was waiting, so she let him leave 1 hour early....so we just hung out for like, 10 minutes till his dad came and got him....i seriously need to stop smoking...ive been smoking way too much lately...when i hung out w/ chad on wednesday (the 11th), we walked to the gas station, and i asked some random guy to buy me a pack of cigarettes,....this was the 3rd pack that ive gotten...usually the pack lasts me about 1 week or so, but from the pack that we just got on wednesday, i now have 3 left...its really not good....so i got really pissed off and kinda upset yesterday, cuz i wanted to hang out w/ chad, and he worked till 4:00, and the plan was that i was supposed to call him around 4:30, and we were gonna see what was goin' on, and if we were gonna hang out...well, i didnt get a hold of him until about 6:30...apparently he was sleeping,...cuz he had to go into work at 10:00 in the morning, and he was tired...so i asked him if we were gonna hang out, and he said that nick was comming over his house and they were gonna hang out, and then he said we would hang out another day....and that seriously made me mad....cuz on fuckin monday we talked about hanging out on saturday, then he goes and tells me hes hanging out w/ nick...thats kinda fucked up....so i called up steph, and i went over her house aroud 8:00...steph made me feel better,....we went to dairy queen and hung out there for a little bit, and then we went back to her house...i stayed there for a little while, and then i went over trent's to hang out w/ him and joe...i stayed there till about 10:15, and then i went home...now today,i have a fuckin softball game, and im really not in the mood to play softball...so idk....everything is fucked up.....
Posted at 03:08 pm by Fuctupkid3604
Monday, May 02, 2005
**WeekendWarriorsAndOutBestFriends. TheWritersWeren'tKiddingAboutHowAllGoodThingsMustEnd. ThenAgainSomeThingsAreFarTooGoodToGoAheadAndLetGo..**
I got my license on Thursday (4-28)...(i took my test on the 26th tho)...anyway,....so on friday my dad let me use his car,...so i went over Chad's house...we hung out w/ nick for a little while and then we just hung out at his house,....me, being the dumbass that i am, lost track of time and ended up comming home late on the first nite i got to take the car....not very smart lol....my parents were sooo pissed...i almost didnt get to go out on saturday night, but luckily, i talked to my mom, and she talked to my dad about it, and they let me go out....so saturday i hung out w/ chad again...it rained....which sucked...i had fun tho lol....yesterday, i had 2 softball games...we won our first game that we played at 1:00,...it was a travisty...we kicked their asses haha! but then we lost the second game by 2 runs....it was 13 to 15.....i was pissed....to top it all off, i pulled a muscle in the back of my left leg, but i continued to played, which only made it worse....then, during the game, i put some Bengay on it, and it prob. looked really funny...people we prob. like,"what the hell is that girl doing?!" cuz like i said, it was the back of my leg, w/e muscle that is in the back of your leg near your ass lol....so yeeaahhh....i also went to walmart last nite and finally dropped off my pictures from the Fall Out Boy concert....i also bought some makeup and hair stuff lol.....
Posted at 09:42 pm by Fuctupkid3604
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
**I'm two quarters and i heart down. and i don't want to forget how your voice sounds. these words are all i have to i write them. i need them just to get by...**
ok, so i learned a very valuable lesson yesterday (monday).....never drink during the day....so yeah at around 11:00, i went over trents house and hung out w/ him and joe.....we just chilled and they were being stupid of course,....like, stupid funny.....it was great though,....joe went to get something to drink, and he was like,"kara do you want anything?" and then i forgot how it came up, but i was like,"yeah vodka and orange juice..." so he was like,"seriously?" and i was like,"yeah".....so he definately put too much vodka in it tho....it didnt taste that strong, but i felt it later on lol.....cuz then i had another glass of it, and that did me in......they gave me a piece of bread and they said it would help, but it didnt help all that much lol....we were all sitting outside and then john came over, so we were all just hanging out, and i started to feel like, dizzy and shit like that,....and i was pretty much screwed cuz my mom was gonna be comming to get me really soon,....so trent was like,"get up and walk on that line" so i did it, and i was able to walk okay lol....then i attempted to play basketball w/ joe, but that wasnt working out too good,.....so my mom came and got me, and she was like,"were you drinking over there?" and i was like,"no..." and she was like,"cuz i smell alcohol..." so we had to go to walgreens and she made me get out of the car and go in the store with her,...i was feeling pretty shitty at this time.....so when we got home, she made me put the laundry in the dryer...so then i went upstairs, and i put the tv on and i just layed there.....then i called Chad and talked to him about it,....and he told me to drink water, eat some bread, and get some sleep....and then he asked me if i wanted to hang out, so i said yeah....but i was like,"let me sleep first, and then ill give you a call...." so i slept from like 2:00 till 3:45......i pretty much just passed out...apparently chad called me while i was sleeping...i didnt even hear the phone ring...he left me a message and i called him back....i went over his house a little after 5:00.....we just hung out and played video games and basketball....we ate dinner and stuff, and then we went for a walk,...we were gonna walk to rita's house and watch a movie, but then it was too late, so we didnt....i felt soooo bad the entire day,.....i only smoked one cigarette while i was with chad, cuz i was like,"if i have another one, ill be sick..." i left chad's house around 9:00.....sooooo....i got sick right before i went to bed,....i knew it was gonna happen....i felt like that the whole day.....so then i went to bed at 9:30...i felt soooo dead.....i was tired and i felt like shit (im a dumbass, i woke up at 7:00 for nothing; i thought i had to go out driving at 8:00 am yesterday, but then i realized that it was today i had to go driving,.....so i had to get up at 7:00 again this morning!!! not cool).......i dont even wanna look at vodka and oj now,......fuck i dont even wanna drink orange juice now......oh well,....thats what i get......
Posted at 02:02 pm by Fuctupkid3604
**So you lost the words. lost the words to say. you lost your voice and you lost your mind again. so back it up.rewind, white it out and just forget.**
On sunday i woke up at like, 7:45,....it sucked,....at 11:00, i had a scrimage game for softball,....i havent been to any practices yet, so that was the first time i was playing since last season....i did okay,....but i could have done alot better if i had been to the practices...but ive had work and dhit like that, so it was kind of impossible for me to make it to the practices.....anyway....i came home and took a shower and stuff....then i talked to Chad, and we decided to hang out....so i went over there and we walked around, and then Rita came over, so the three of us hung out w/ his brother and sisters for a little while....they are so cute....me and chad wanted to walk to the gas station to buy cigarettes, but rita really didnt wanna come with us, so me and chad were gonna walk her home and then we were gonna walk to the gas station...so we walked by Nick's house and we stopped over cuz he was outside cuz he was just getting home from fishing....he gave me a hug and he was like,"its nice to see you again.." (i havent seen him in a few months).....so me, chad and rita hung out on nick's porch while he went inside and took a quick shower....so he came out and was like,"lets walk to the gas station, i wanna get something to eat im hungry.." so i started laughing and i was like,"we were already gonna walk there to get cigarettes...." so rita ended up comming w/ us anyways.....soooo,....we get to the gas station, and of course, i was the one they wanted to go in and buy the cigarettes....so i was like,"what is she asks for my ID?" and nick and chad were like,"dont worry about it, if she asks you just say you dont have it with you, and you had to walk here.." so i was like,"fine...." so i go in there, and i told her what kind of cigarettes i wanted, and she was like,"can i see your ID?" so i was like,"i dont have it w/ me, i left it at home, and i had to walk here..." so she thought about it, and then she was like,"i cant im sorry, maybe i would be able to if ive seen your id before....but i cant.." so im thinkin,"shit!!" lol....so i go outside and i was like,"guys,....she said no!" so chad was like,"alright, plan b..." (which was wait for someone to come to the gas station and i would go ask someone to buy them for me)......so these 2 guys in a car pull into the gas station, and i walk over and i was like,"do you think you could buy me cigarettes?" and the guy was like,"i dont have my ID w/ me...sorry...." so im like,"ok thanks anyway.." so i walk over to this middle-aged guy who was putting gas in his car, and i was like,"excuse me..." so he looks over and i was like," can you buy me a pack of cigarettes?" and then i looked over at chad and he lifted up his shirt, implying that i should flash the guy!!! HAHA!!!! instead i kinda just put this look on my face, and i stuck out my chest LOL!!! so after a minute the guy was like,"what kind?" and i was like,"Marb lights".....he was like,"okay" so i gave him the money and he went in and bought them for me!!!! so i was like,"thanks i really appreciate it"....so i go back over to chad rita and nick, and chad gives me a hug and was like,"im proud of you!" lol.....so i of course got the first cigarette out of the pack lol....then i was like,"ya know chad, i didnt really like the way that guy was looking at me.." so chad was like,"its ok,....if he tried anything, me and nick would have taken care of it...." i was like,"thanks guys"......so we walked rita back to her house and then nick went back to his house, and me and chad went back to his house and i got picked up at like, 9:30 ( i was pissed i had to go home that early...) i gave chad like, 6 cigarettes,...he prob. needed them more then me lol.....him and nick were gonna get drunk and stuff lol.....but yeah, it was a fun night....
Posted at 01:31 pm by Fuctupkid3604
Sunday, April 17, 2005
**You Only Hold Me Up Like This Cause You Don't Know Who I really Am.Sometimes I just Want To Know What It's Like To Be You....**
ok so right now its 1:20 a.m and i felt like writing about my night....at first i wasnt gonna go out tonite, but then steph calls me and tells me i should go to this party w/ her.....she was telling me that its a bonfire party in the woods somewhere and all these people are gonna be there and stuff like that...at first i was a little iffy about it, but then i figured,"what the hell..." so my mom took me over stephs house a little after 8:00.....steph talked to a few people, including sarah, about the party, and around 9:00, sarah came over stephs house and she drove us to where the party was...there werent too many cars around that area, so we hung out there in the car for like 5 minutes, then we decided to drive to dunkin donuts and just hang out there for a little while and then go back to the party....so sarah called nate and he met us at dunkin donuts...we were there for a little bit, and then like 5 minutes before we were gonna leave, Chad called me.....i told him about the party we were going to,....when we got in the car i said to him that we should come and pick him up and he should come to the party with us,....so he thought about it for a minute and then he was like,"okay yeah if sarah doesnt mind, then come and get me.....so we drove to chads house and picked him up(he snuck out lol..it was awesome).....sarah forgot to put the car in park, so he was getting in the car and the car started rolling and he hit his head on the top of the car! me and sarah felt bad lol....he was okay though....so we went to the party and we had to walk like, 10 minutes through the woods to get there.....that kinda sucked....so we get there, and there werent that many people there, and it kinda sucked.....there were stupid drunk people riding quads and shit like that....i seriously thought they were gonna die....they were being sooooo ridiculous....so we didnt even drink or anything,....and we were there for like, not even 10 minutes, and then we decided to leave.....so we got out of the woods and we were walking down the street back to the car and my phone rings,....it was trent and joe lol....so i was talking to them for a little bit, and chad was getting pissed off....it was really funny.....cuz when my phone rang, i saw who it was, and i was like,"why is he calling me now?" so then sarah was like,"who? trent?" so chad knew it was a guy.....he kept trying to get me off the phone and stuff.....then when i finally got off the phone, he was like,"who was that?" and then i forgot what i said, but then he was like,"well why were you talking for so long?" lol.....it sucked cuz my dad was comming to pick me up at stephs house at like, 11:40, and sarah had to be home at 11:30, so we brought chad back to his house at like, 11:20, and then sarah dropped me and steph off at stephs house,and then she went home.....even though nothing crazy happened, it was still a fun nite...and i got to hang out with chad for a little bit, so that was cool....that sure beats staying home all nite lol.....
Posted at 01:37 am by Fuctupkid3604
**I confess, I messed up. dropping "I'm sorrys” like you're still around.And I know you dressed up.said “hey kid you'll never live this down”....**
-- The "in's and out's" of 2005 according to Pete from Fall Out Boy--
Thursday, April 14, 2005
the list:
ins/outs of 2005:
in:
snapping bras
panic at the disco
drama and gossip
waking up at 10am
makeup that makes you look like a girl
huge watches make your wrist hurt
lust
"headwalks"
phonecalls home
bunklife
brutal honesty
real life friend cuts
pretending to be girls on myspace and messing with dudes who are creepy
windy city heat
saying you knew fall out boy way back when
out:
wearing underwear
makeup that makes you look goth
going to sleep at 10am
huge belt buckles that make your waist hurt
love
"crowdsurfing"
phonecalls to ______ _____
hotellife
lying
livejournal friend cuts
being a creepy dude on myspace and sending girls messages
being friends with fall out boy now Posted at 12:58 am by Fuctupkid3604
Friday, April 15, 2005
**Something Old. No One New. Feeling Borrowed. Always Blue. Something Old. No One New. Always Borrowed. Always You....**
i must say,....i had a fun night this past saturday (4-9-05)....Cate and I went to a Doublethink show the second weekend in a row....(we saw them friday at Portland High School (4-1-05) ).....anyway....we drove to North Branford, and Cate's friend Rob and his friend Brent drove us to Madison for the show at the Madison Arts Barn.....it was cool to see everyone again....even though we just saw all those ppl last weekend lol.....this crazy band was playing a little while after we got there.....they were called Sugarfist or Sugarfest or somethin dumb like that idk.....they sang a freakin song about coffee....they were like,"coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee!!!!!!" and then this insane guy in the band apparently pissed on the stage.....i didnt see it thank god....i was too busy sitting at the Doublethink merch table lol....so yeah they were reallllly strange.....so yeah then Doublethink played after that.....they of course totally kicked ass.....after they played, we left.....this was at like, 9:30.....cuz Rob and Brent wanted to leave.....so we were driving back to Rob's house and we thought it would be really funny to steal the street sign; the name of the street was "Duck Hole".....so we figured,"we have to have it!" lol....so we pull over, and Rob gets out of the car and tries to get the sign, but fails miserabley.....some dude in a car pulls over, yells at him and was like,"i dont think you should be doing that!" so rob jumps back in the car and we drive away down the street,.....so we made a u-turn and as we were going back, we passed the guy and he rolled down his window and he was like,"im calling the cops!" so we're just like,"ok yeah, whatever.." it was sooo funny.....
On Monday, i went out driving for the 3rd time for drivers ed, and i had to drive on the parkway for the first time! ahh! lol....but i did good tho,...i think i kinda went a little too fast,....but hey, thats alright,....its fun to drive fast haha.....so yeah i take my test on the 26th.....i cant wait.....but....i also cant wait till next friday,....its the Fall Out Boy concert! its gonna kick ass.....my and derek are going at like, 12:00 lol!!! so yeeeahhhh......im jealous of everyone thats going fishing tomorrow lol...its "opening day" or whatever....i wanna go!!! i've been fishing like, 2 times....and not even for that long....but oh well...i also really wanna play paintball....i would so totally kick ass at it! haha! i found out something kinda funny, but really dumb today,.....our junior prom is called "A Night In Paris"! im not even kidding.....how messed up is that?! lol.....im not even sure if i wanna go to prom....whatever..... Posted at 08:18 pm by Fuctupkid3604
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